All we are.

There comes a time in everyones life to bring change.
Whether it be for the better or for the worse of the moment.
We all know that change is beneficial.

But why is it so hard to change certain things?
Why is it so difficult to just let some things go...
We live in a society that is so quick to change, so unsatisfied with the way things are.
But there are some things which we never want to let go of. Certain things that we hold on to with all our might, praying nothing happens to it.

What is it? A mere habit? A love? A possession which you hold dear?
Let me tell you something. None of it will last.

That is if it is not from the Lord.

I have been coming to learn that things in which I have found my identity in the past 17 years of my life have been such ridiculous things. Meaningless, worthless things. I'm sick and tired of it. Sick and tired of having no meaning.

But I have found something better.
WAY better.
and I'm giving Him everything, surrendering it all.

'All we are is yours, all we're living for is all you are, is all that you are.'

Isn't it crazy.

Isn't it crazy how our culture is nowadays? As compared to other generations. I mean things change from generation to generation, there's no stopping it. But it's crazy to think about how different our society is from just 10 years ago...

Or even farther back. Years and years ago, when a lady would walk into the room all the men would stand up and take off their hats, if they were wearing one. But now guys only glance up if they find the girl some what attractive. Isn't it crazy?

How one generation most all men were careful about woman's hearts and made sure they treated all women with respect. And now guys hardly think of the benefit of the girl they're into. How selfish has our society gotten? To the point where guys honestly only think of themselves in a relationship. "What do I need? Is this girl going to fullfill this need of MINE? How can she make ME happy? Is she willing to change herself to make ME happy?"...this list of questions that run through the mind of guys of this generations is endless. And if the girl they're into isn't the answer to any of these questions, there's one simple solution: leave 'em.

Unless they are either truly good men, or men who have made Christ the center of their lives.
It has been my experience that those guys are truly the only good guys out there, God has truly blessed our society by those men and they are a blessing to all women.
Gentlemen are getting harder and harder to find in our world today, and people are touched by them. But some also may get the wrong impression by these men because they are scarce.

And even girls of our generations have been altered. Take apparel for example. Years and years ago, it was completely unacceptable for girls to even show their ANKLES...can you picture it? dress which covered every single inch of a woman, from the neck down. Much different from this day and age.

Where the more skin you show the more guys will look at you, the more guys look at you the more you feel like people like you and wish they had you. Which is a great feeling, but it's not necessarily the right feeling. Those kinds of things are the things which fill and fill that void in you. That void is very hard to fill completely with those kinds of things.

It is when GOD fills that place in you when you feel complete.
That is the moment when you are finally satisfied because God is the only one who can bring that to your life. And He wants to.

So let Him.

Letting go.

I've found that more often than not, letting go for the time being to guard someone's heart will save them and you in the long run. Not only is it that, but pretty wise as well. I mean you might think you want to save what you have and you don't think it's worth giving up what you have at the moment.
But that's the kind of world we live in now, isn't it? We're told to date for the moment. Even though we know we're most likely not going to be with this person for a long time, or the rest of our lives. But date them anyways, because it feels nice to have someone.
But in reality you're probably going to break up.
With that comes heartache, which tears away at you bit by bit everyday.
Why even bother?
Why not save yourself from hurting yourself and just let go.
Because it's no fun that way.
Because it's not worth letting go.

Let me tell you something.
Dating Spencer was a wild ride. He made me really happy. He made me laugh and I thought he was helping me to be a better person.
But then he liked someone else while we were together.
And started blaming me for things he would do.
And started picking fights with me.
Broke my heart many many times in the year and a half we were together, even while we weren't.
I'm glad that God called me out when He did, saving my heart.
Helping me realize dating at this age, without purpose, was so pointless. It was pointless to put myself in a situation where I'd get hurt. I mean yeah, maybe there'll be a few good times, but is it worth it?
Really?
It's hard when you're holding on to live your life the way God wishes for you to.
He can do such amazing things through you, you just have to let go.

Who did it...

SAM AND CHARLIE THIS ISN'T THE END.

Driving Me Crazy.

Good Thanksgiving.
not going to bore you with what I did.

Okay, so there's this thing going around and it's driving me crazy.
Hence, the title of this blog.

So Sunday evening, after I got home from my adventure in SF, there was a piece of paper which stated...

Kate...
8

only bigger and more epic.

And before this I was informed that many high schoolers are getting the same things...only with their names and different numbers.
These high schoolers at the moment include:

• Chris Maccccccc
• Sam Razzell
• Charlie Nino (Char-Char)
• Tony DiBlasio
• Jen Jahnke
• Callie Terres
• Stephen Greenaway
• Spencer Robbery

This is looking like mostly juniors and seniors.

I have conversed with few about it and the following assumptions/guesses were made:

• hit list (in which the number would indicate how many days we have left to live)
• list of people who annoy two certain people
• order of favorites
• order of TP'ing (<
• final destination type deal (kinda same as first but not really)

I'm kinda curious, I think we all are. And I know that we have the means to find out who it is, seeing as they texted Callie so we have their number and could easily find out who the scoundrel(s) is/are.

But I don't want to ruin the surprise, whatever it may be. I can't even possibly imagine what it could be. hmmm.

Just wanted to inform you as to why some of us may be slightly confused/distracted whenever we may see each other.

Dying to find out who these people are and what the heck their going to do.

But for now, just kinda getting all I can out of my last few days of break.

Until next time...

Twlight.

First day of break.

Actually, I don't know you count the weekend going into break as break or the monday that starts your entire week of no school...hmmm.


SO about a month and a half ago or so, I was forced to read the book Twilight. I'm almost positive all of you have heard of it, if you haven't I'm actually happy for you.

For those of you who don't know what it is or just choose not to know, it's a book about this girl named Bella who moves to live with her dad for a while in this really remote town. She starts school and notices this group of people, people she finds are the most beautiful creatures she has ever seen, but ones who surprisingly keep to themselves.

Eventually she befriends one, falls for him and comes to find he is, dare I say it, a vampire.

What is so intriguing about a girl falling in love with a vampire is beyond me, but I honestly could hardly put the book down as I read it. But when I finished it, it left me feeling like the three books that followed it in the series wouldn't be as good and would be repetitive. I felt like almost eveything that could possibly happen to this girl and her man (vamp) had either potentially happened or they already pretty much said that it would happen.

Well that and I wasn't so intrested to the point wheren I HAD to read the following books.

As you may know, probably do know, they made a movie out of it and it premiered last friday, the 21st. I have never seen so much adoration in girls at my school before. Everywhere you turned there was Team Edward shirts or Twilight packs and it was insane. SO crazy I could hardly believe it. Many of them had made it to the midnight premiere and they were all raving about how incredible it was.

But I was so happy that I didn't see it.

Paramore's song on the soundtrack is pretty legit, but other than that it should have remained a book.

Welp, I'm off so
Until next time...

hmmm

Wow, haven't blogged in weeks.
So I meant ot blog about Big Leaf and how amazing it was, but I figured now is too late to post a blog like that.
So just know it was amazing.

For some reason this week doesn't feel like the week before break. Maybe cause I'm thinking about how I have to work a lot next week so it won't feel like break. At least there'll be no school.

I want it to be Janurary, then April, then June of 2010.
ughh impatience.

Until next time...

Accident.

Well it has been quite some time since my last post.
My life has just been so crazy busy I haven't been able to tell up from down or left from right.
Well one thing I have been feeling like I needed to blog about cause it was kind of a turning point in my 16 year old life...
So everyone knows my white mini van. I know I know, it's amazing. Or I should say it was.
Anyways I was driving to my work almost two weeks ago from school to go talk to my boss about gaining more hours. This was right after school which guarenteed traffic obviously. So I was driving down Hopyard from the downtown area and I guess what happened was the person in front of the person in front of me stopped really fast and then the person in front of me stopped crazy fast...what I remember of it I thought I slammed on my breaks but I don't remember slowing down that much...
So my car got smashed. SO smashed. It honestly scared me so badly. When I used to see movies where people would get in an accident I'd kinda laugh at their reaction cause they'd be like "OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!" really fast and repetitive and I'd be like wow...
But that's exactly how I reacted. No one was hurt thank the Lord but my car was smadhed in pretty badly. The next day I tried to drive it and it was stalling pretty bad and the radiator had cracked.
I just found out that it has been officially totaled so there is no more white mini van.

You know what I think it was?
My car was getting me everywhere. It was MY mode of transportation and it got me around whenever I wanted to go wherever I wanted to go. I started to depend on my car. I almost put it on a level of dependence that was almost leveling with the Lord.
I've come to find that when you don't give Him everything fully, He takes the things that you are holding onto so that you have no reason NOT to turn to Him.

So far everything is working out better than I expected it to.
As for now I need my rest...
Until next time...

He Knew.

Wanna know something crazy?
We are NOT of this World.
We don't belong here
We are strangers to all that it has to offer us
All that is has to tempt us with
All that is has to lead jus astray, we are not of it.
We are only visiting.

Although God created this world and all of us in it, we do not belong to it
But to it's Creator.
And what's even crazier, He knew. He knows.
He knew everything that happened was going to happen
He knows that we are going to be ripped this way or the next.
He knew he was going to send His son to die...to DIE for us.
DIE FOR US.
Would you willingly give your life for another? Or for a group of people? A nation maybe?
How about the world?
For some reason, I highly doubt you said yes to any of those questions.
We're all selfish and we want to live our lives. We, as humans, can't think that selflessly.
I mean there are the select few who would, the brave ones who would.
But not for the whole human race.
God knew what He was doing, He knew it would change our lives and that we would glorify His name for saving us from our sins.
He is forgiving, and righteous.
There is no thing and no one like Him.

None like the Lord, Jesus Christ.
None.

"Create me in a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me..."
Psalm 51:10

Until next time...

Oh how time flies when you're blogging in Computer Science...

Well the week is slowly coming to a close. It's strange, how slow time may seem to go although when you look back on it, time flies.
I feel like I was hating the idea of going back to school just yesterday. Yet here we are, in our 6th week of school and I am loving it. Well, not so much the work, but everything I am learning is finally getting to my interest level.

Something that I've never really realized about myself until about this year is that I have absolutely no school spirit. None whatsoever. I don't have class spirit. As a matter of fact, I really regret buying our class shirt because I find it so lame. So many people think it's strange though, my not having school spirit. Whenever I don't wear the requesting attire each week for spirit day, people always nag me about it. But i honestly don't have any spirit at all. Is that bad?

I think it might just be that I'm dying to get out of high school period. Not that I'm dreading the experience, but I would just much rather get out of this picture-perfect town and have a fresh start somewhere new. I'm so anxious for that new adventure I'll have when I leave for college, which I know isn't for another 2 years or so, but I honestly can't wait. I'm so excited to be able to live life on my own and get that scary feeling where I actually MISS home...oh the day will come.

As for now, here I sit, in computer science. Finished with a project and on to the next.

One of these days I'm going to bust out my guitar and bring it to school and carry it around all day so I get the feeling of what years from now will feel like, doing the thing I love to do most all day long. Until then...

Here I sit,
sitting, waiting, wishing...
and praying.

Until next time...